This week’s Parshah contains a rather strange prohibition. “Do not cut yourselves and do not put a bald spot between your eyes in memory of a dead person”. Evidently, these practices were commonplace amongst certain nations, as ways of mourning upon the death of a loved one. Indeed, some Shia Muslims still perform rituals similar to this.
Leaving aside the obvious negative associations we have with self-harm and the suggestion of depressive behaviour that goes with it, the question arises: why not? Surely in Judaism we recognize the psychological need for mourning one’s loss. We even have a system in place, the aveilus process, to frame a person’s reaction to bereavement. What then is wrong with making physical marks upon the body as an act of grief?
Rabbi Hirsch (1808-1888) gives a profound answer based on the verse preceding the one quoted above. “You are sons to Hashem your G-d; do not cut yourselves etc”. He explains that from a realisation that we are all the children of G-d flows a strong sense of self-worth. The Creator of the world refers to us as His children – what an honour! He calls Himself our Father! Once processed, this powerful idea should be a strong source of pride and self-esteem for us. It should always accompany us throughout our lives and it should affect the way we react to various situations. The pride emanating from our knowledge of our position as the children of G-d should and must be maintained in relation to any other person, no matter how much he is loved and revered. No human being should have such a strong hold on us that we identify with him to the point of self-nullification, so that when he departs this world we feel compelled to throw ourselves away after him. The bonds which tie us to G-d must remain stronger than any which we forge with our fellow man.
This idea draws us into another fundamental idea upon which Torah law – Halacha, is based. On the one hand, we are told to mourn and remember the dead. On the other hand, we are warned to avoid excessive mourning. Halachah often acts as an indication from G-d as to what the golden middle way is. It finds the right balance between two contradictory positions, between not mourning enough and mourning too much. The Torah recognizes the psychological need to mourn and grieve for a lost one. It even requires one who has suffered the loss of a close relative to go through a mourning process, to publically grieve, to slowly emerge from this grief, and to spend a period of time doing something daily – saying Kaddish – to remember and uplift the soul of the departed. However, the Torah also demands that eventually, we move on with our lives. The passing of the loved one cannot be allowed to rule our life. We must remember that we still have a role to play in the world, our lives are still worth living; we are still sons of G-d and as such have a crucial role to play in the world.
In all spheres of life – in business, in inter-personal relations, and even in emotions – the Torah is available, as a fountain of Divine wisdom, to be our faithful guide as to what is the correct thing to do.
Good Shabbos, Dovi.