In this week’s Sedra after Yosef reveals himself to his brothers he cries together with his brother Binyamin. Rashi explains that Yosef cried over the destruction of the two Temples which were in the territory of Binyamin. Whereas Binyamin cried over the destruction of the Tabernacle in Shiloh which was in the territory of Yosef.
Why did each one not also cry over the destruction that would happen in their own territory? I heard a most important answer. Each one realized that ultimately “everything Hashem does is ultimately for the good”. On their extremely high level they understood that the destruction that would take place would be what was needed, and would be for the good of the Jews. But this sort of reckoning can only be used on oneself. When relating to another person then you can’t take this approach, to someone else you have to sympathize over the destruction. You can’t speak to him as if he is you on your level. So each one cried and showed compassion over the destruction that would take place in the others portion.
R’ Isaac Bernstein beautifully illustrates this point. The beginning of Parshas Vayaishev starts off with Yosef telling over his dreams to his brothers, and ends with Yosef listening to the dreams of the Butler and the Baker.
How interesting, he notes, that from Yosef’s telling over of the dreams such bad things came about, but from Yosef’s listening to their dreams such good things began to happen! The lesson is clear says R’ Isaac, for yourself it’s better if you keep quiet but for others be prepared to listen to what they have to say.
If we take a look at our forefather Yitzchak we can again see this point. Our classic sources tell us that Yitzchak’s primary way of serving Hashem was through ‘strict judgment’. But this trait can only be used one-way-round. Towards oneself it is good to be strict and disciplined; to demand the very best of yourself, to push yourself to the limit. But on someone else this approach is drastic and the opposite way is correct. We have to judge him – but favorably. When I turn up late I berate myself, but when I see someone else coming late I don’t judge him, I give him the benefit of the doubt.
The extreme case of using ‘judgement’ on others, will lead to murder. I am so judgmental on him that if he doesn’t agree with my right way then he deserves to be killed, and I will execute the ‘judgement’. This is why we find that Yitzchok’s son who represented the bad side of ‘judgement’ was Eisov who is described as the “hunter” and he “lives by the sword”.
R’ Shmuel Schwarz used this idea to understand the Gemora which relates how prior to the Messianic Era it will only be Yitzchak who will manage to vindicate the Jews from all the sins that have been committed over the generations. Surely we would have expected our forefather Avraham with his trait of ‘kindness’ or Yaakov with his trait of ‘mercy’ to be the ones who can ’convince’ Hashem to pardon us?
However we can now readily understand why it was only Yitzchak – the man to ‘Judgement’ who could judge us favorably in front of Hashem. His whole being personified strict judgment, but that was on himself, but outwardly he judged everyone favorably. Hence we find that only Yitzchak could continually love his wicked son Eisov, as opposed to Avraham who hated his son Yishmael because of his wicked actions.
Perhaps I can add that Yitzchak is the first son the Torah tells us about that he was loved; the first husband to love a wife; the first father to love a [wicked] son, and the first person to love food. Strange that by someone who personifies such strict judgment, we find the first six times in the Torah the word ’love’!? But really it’s not strange at all, we mistakenly picture Yitzchak as a person without emotions, but really his trait of ‘judgment’ was just a personal thing, but outwardly he was using his ‘judgement’ to love others and always see the good in other, hence the emphasis on his love to all these things.
At the Kiddush after my first daughter was born I overheard someone go over and ask a neighbour of mine, how his wife was doing. At the time she was extremely ill, and was completely bedridden. My neighbour answered, and he really meant it, “She’s the way the Hashem wants her to be”. For him to say this was truly amazing, but for someone else to say this to him would have been downright insensitive, and thoughtless to his painful situation.
One’s tragedy is an opportunity to grow and strengthen one’s faith in Hashem. But someone else’s tragedy is for you to empathize and feel for their pain.
Good Shabbos, Yaakov