Audio Dyslexia [AD] is a disease that you may not have heard about but is awfully common. This debilitating condition was recently discovered by Rabbi Ze’ev Leff of Moshav Matityahu, Israel, but the good news is that he also has a remedy for how to deal with people who have this disease.
The Talmud tells of the wife of Rav who suffered from Audio Dyslexia. When he asked for cereal he got toast and when he asked for toast he got cereal – a real case of audio dyslexia! It was only when their son grew up he intercepted his fathers’ requests and switched them round that Rav got what he asked for. Suddenly when he asked for fish he got fish, and when he asked for chicken he got chicken. Astounded about the sudden change around, he asked his son what happened. His son told his father about his ‘shtick’.
You may laugh, but while such severe forms of the syndrome are thank G-d rare, more subtle varieties are commonplace. The trick is to learn how to speak to people who suffer. How many times have you said to a spouse or a child, “please don’t do that” only to see them doing that very thing only moments later! Their problem is that they suffer from AD. When you say, “please don’t do that” they may well hear, “when I do that he notices and I have his attention!” Therefore they go and do exactly that!
Rav Leff points out in this week’s Parshah we have an excellent display of dealing with people with AD. Eliezer the servant of Avraham goes to find a wife for Yitzchok. He makes a ‘deal’ as to how to confirm that the girl is befitting for Yitzchok. In his prayer he says, “Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say, “please tip over your jug so I may drink” and who replies, “drink, and I will even water your camels”, her – You have designated for Your servant, for Yitzchok”. Simple test – I will ask for A and she will offer to do A and B.
But let’s take a look at what happens after Eliezer makes his small request, “She said, “Drink, my lord” and quickly she lowered her jug to her hand and gave him to drink. When she finished giving him to drink, she said, “I will draw water even for your camels”” It’s not rocket science – but I think from a simple reading of the verses – she failed his test! She didn’t reply as per his plan?! She said she will do A. Did A. Then offered to do B and did B. In my books that’s a straight FAIL!
Skipping through to Eliezer’s recount of the story to Rivka’s family we read an almost identical account of what had transpired by the well. However we note a change in the description of Rivka’s reply to Eliezer’s request: “She said, “Drink, and I will even water your camels”. In the recounting of the episode she passes the test with flying colours!?
Another incident in this week’s Parshah will shed some light. At the beginning of the Parshah we read of Avraham bartering with King Efron to purchase a burial plot for his wife Sarah. Initial negotiations seem to go pretty smoothly; Efron starts out by making grandiose offers of a gift, but then things take a twist the other way when Efron revealed himself as a greedy man who extorted far more than the property was worth – demanding large shekels, “negotiable currency” – which were known as centenaria. The Talmud explains that each of these ‘super’ shekels was worth 2,500 ordinary shekels; Avraham ended up paying a total of one million ordinary shekels for The Cave of Machpelah which initially was going to be given as a gift to him!
The Talmud concludes that such is the way of a wicked person; they say a lot and even a little they do not keep. Wicked people are full of promises and big talk but when it comes to action much is left to be desired of them. Conversely Avraham shows us the exact opposite. In last week’s Parshah he greets the three Angels/Wayfarers after having recently undergone his Bris at the age of ninety nine, he welcomes them into his home and offer them “a morsel of bread” but proceeds to get them a scrumptious three-course-meal! Because ‘the righteous say a little but do a lot’.
Returning to the story with Eliezer meeting Rivka. Eliezer understood that the way for a righteous girl to perform a big act was to say little about it but if all was going well to keep going and to complete a much bigger task. This is exactly what she did! When he saw this he knew he was dealing with a girl befitting for the son of Avraham. She said a little and ended up doing much more. However Eliezer’s hurdle was how to present this to her wicked family? In their world a great person was someone who promises to do a lot. How was he to convince them of Rivka’s great stature so that he could take her as wife for Yitzchok. They had AD – they thought that saying a little is for weak characters and saying a lot is for the supreme. Eliezer therefore switched his language – he spoke on their terms describing Rivka as one who spoke about big things.
Steven Covey said “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. If we understand who we are talking to then we can begin to speak to them in a way that they can understand us.
Good Shabbos, Yaakov