Yaakov Hibbert Presents… Educate or Decimate

In this week’s Parshah we have the instructions for the building of the Tabernacle. When describing the Cherubs that resided on the Ark we are told “their faces were facing one another”. However when they are described in the Temple we are told, “their faces were toward the Temple”. The Gemora explains that the relationship between the Cherubs was corresponding to our relationship to Hashem. When we behaved ourselves they would be embraced, locked in love, facing one another. However at times when we were not behaving, they would be turned away from each other.
The difficulty is that at the time of the destruction of the Temple, when the Temple was ransacked, the looter’s found the Cherubs embracing each other!? Surely there could be no worse point in our relationship with Hashem then when the Temple was being ripped away from us?
R’ Chaim Shmuelevitz (1902-1979) explains that we are being told a very important message in how Hashem deals with us, His children. Just before Hashem punishes us, and there will be immense retribution, Hashem first shows us His immense love that he has for us. Only with this backdrop are we ready to receive the rebuke in a way that it will be constructive for us. Right as the most bitter exile is about to begin, Hashem showed us how much He loves us. Only this way, the rebuke will be accepted.
We know that it is from the ways of Hashem that we are supposed to learn how we behave to people – in fact it’s a Positive Commandment!
There is a story with the R’ Nosson Tzvi Finkel (1849-1927) known as the ‘Alter’, where we can see how to effectively educate. One Shabbos in Slabodka Yeshiva one of the more senior students got given the fifth ‘call up’ to the Torah; a ‘call up’ normally reserved for the newer students. Knowing that the R’ Nosson Tzvi the Dean of the Yeshiva in his true leadership style was sure to be behind this decision; he meekly approached him, to ask him what he had done wrong.
“You’re lucky a haughty guy like you even got a call up!” scolded the Alter.
Taken aback at this sharp response, the student gently prodded to find out what he had done wrong. “Eight years ago” began the Alter, “one Shabbos morning someone came into Shul and unknowingly started to roll back his sleeve as if to start putting on his Tefilin. You were standing by and I motioned to you to save the person any further embarrassment. As you went over to tell him, I noticed a smirk on your face. You were enjoying his moment of embarrassment, it made you feel good” finished the Alter.
“But why did you wait these eight years to rebuke me over this?” inquired the Student.
“Eight years ago the rebuke would have probably broken you to pieces; first I had to build you to who you are today and only now are you ready to receive the rebuke”.
For eight years Reb Nosson Tzvi showered his student with love and tender loving care, building him and moulding him like only an expert educator like he could. Only then was he was ready to tell him off!
The Gemora tells a story of the wife of Rav who would deliberately annoy her husband by always cooking the opposite of what he asked for. When their son grew up he intercepted his fathers’ requests and switched them round. Suddenly when he asked for fish he got fish, and when he asked for chicken he got chicken. Astounded about the sudden change, he asked his son what happened. His son told his father about his ‘ingenious idea’. Rav exclaimed to his son, “now I understand the saying that ‘sometimes a son teaches a father’ for you have taught me what I should be doing. However you mustn’t do it because you accustom yourself to lie”.
My brother asked: seeing as Rav did not approve of this method of trickery, why then did he first praise his son, and shower him with such compliments as “a son has taught his father” before rebuking him? Suggested my brother that here again we see how to effectively educate. First we have to give the love and encouragement; only with this cushion can we attempt to tell off.
When we give rebuke we often ask ourselves ”did I say enough?” or “was I strong enough?” Do we ever think beforehand about building him? Do we ever find ourselves asking, “Did I build him up enough?”
Sometimes Hashem has to tell us off, and to educate us we get thrown into a dark and bitter exile, but just before the blow comes, Hashem is hugging us, immense love to build us so that we can be strong enough not to be decimated by the blow rather be strong enough to accept the rebuke on the cheek and use it to grow.
Good Shabbos, Yaakov