In both the census of this week’s Parshah and that of Sedra Pinchos, when we get to the children of Aharon who died on the final day of the inauguration of the Tabernacle we are told that they – Nadav and Avihu – died, “they did not have children”. Several years ago someone quoted to me the following explanation in the name of the Chasam Sofer [1762–1839].
Our classical sources reveal to us various different aspects of their sin; either they ruled a Halacha in front of their Rebbe, or they were somewhat intoxicated when they came into the Tabernacle. However suggests the Chasam Sofer these sins could have been averted had they had children! How so?
Very simple! Children keep adults in check! Take a simple example of a parent on the phone. While the child is in the room one is surely more careful about the way one speaks. I’m sure less Lashon Hora (derogatory speech) is spoken while in the presence of one’s children. Or would you swig out of the bottle when one’s children are in the room? Another example that I have experienced: if my children ever catch me eating something while standing up I often hear a small voice saying, “it’s not mentchlich to eat while standing!” Or if they see me tasting the chicken soup on Friday afternoon to see if it needs any salt or spices, I may be reminded, “Abba you didn’t make a Brochah”. [The Halacha is that for such a tasting one does not generally need a Brochah].
One final example: after having spent the morning fishing with my two girls we went to pick up my older son Akiva. The girls promptly filled Akiva in on all the details; in particular they were very animated on the method of killing the fish. “Sometimes Abba had to smash it on the head many times till it became deaded! And once we checked in the bucket and we saw that Abba hadn’t properly killed one and it was still moving around!” There was a pause as Akiva took it all in. Suddenly he looks up at me and asks, “Abba, does Hashem let you do that?”
You really got to be on your toes when you have kids around. They are both simplistic and idealistic. Their questions can be penetrating and their observations often incriminating!
Had the sons of Aharon had children around then they would never have come to sin! We must be prepared to learn even from our children – sometimes they are the best teachers. As Rabbi Chanina said, “I learnt much from my teachers and my friends but I learnt most from my students”. Or as Ben Zoma famously taught us, “Who is really wise? One who learns from everyone”.
A few years ago I decided to look up this Chasam Sofer inside. While at first glance he does perhaps seem to say this fundamental idea – that the root of the sin of Nadav and Avihu was that they had no children to keep them in check, I actually discovered that he is saying a different idea altogether – nonetheless inspiring. Many thanks to whoever misquoted to me the Chasam Sofer in the first place! The idea is a great one but not from the Chasam Sofer!
What the Chasam Sofer actually suggests, is that the process of having ones own children, teaches a person to respect his parents and teachers. When one brings up his own children, spends many a sleepless night rocking them to bed, dragging them through their childhood and adolescence years and one sees how all too often children are incredibly ungrateful towards the parents who have done so much (virtually everything in the formative years) one begins to appreciate ones own parents in a new light! Wow! Our parents put in so much for us. Our respect for our parents matures when we ourselves become parents.
The respect we have for the previous generation is reinforced and re-evaluated when we see the respect the next generation has for us! This is why the sin of Nadav and Avihu is ascribed to their lack of children. The maturity they would have achieved through having their own children would have stopped them sinning. This suggests the Chasam Sofer is how they came to rule the Halacha in front of their Rebbe. They didn’t yet have the mature respect for their elders precisely because they hadn’t had children. Similarly, not having had children they had not seen the immaturity of behaving with undue jest and light headedness, and therefore acted under the influence of alcohol.
May we be merit to use everything as a learning opportunity, allow even our children to keep us in check and through parenting ourselves understand how much honour we should have to our parents and teachers.
Good Shabbos,
Yaakov