There is story told about R’ Nosson Tzvi Finkel (1849-1927) otherwise known as the ‘Alter’. One Shabbos in Slabodka Yeshiva one of the more senior students got given the fifth ‘call up’ to the Torah; a ‘call up’ normally reserved for the newer students. Knowing that the R’ Nosson Tzvi the Dean of the Yeshiva in his true leadership style was sure to be behind this decision; he meekly approached him, to ask him what he had done wrong. “You’re lucky a haughty guy like you even got a call up!” scolded the Alter. Taken aback at this sharp response, the student gently prodded to find out what he had done wrong. “Eight years ago” began the Alter, “one Shabbos morning someone came into Shul and unknowingly started to roll back his sleeve as if to start putting on his Tefilin. You were standing by and I motioned to you to save the person any further embarrassment. As you went over to tell him, I noticed a smirk on your face. You were enjoying his moment of embarrassment, it made you feel good” finished the Alter.
“But why did you wait these eight years to rebuke me over this?” inquired the Student. “Eight years ago the rebuke would have properly broken you to pieces; first I had to build you to who you are today and only now are you ready to receive the rebuke”. For eight years Reb Nosson Tzvi showered his student with love and tender loving care, building him and moulding him like only an expert educator like he could. Only then was he was ready to tell him off!
In this week’s Parshah we read how Moshe rebukes the Jew’s for all that they did wrong during the forty years in the desert. Before he goes into the details of what they did he says, “May Hashem, the G-d of your forefathers, add to you like yourselves a thousand times”. Reb Leibel Eiger (1816-1888) asks what is the meaning of the spare word “like yourselves”? Also why does Moshe include such a blessing amongst his rebuke?
He answers with a most fundamental point that we need to know whenever we are in a situation where we need to give rebuke, or to be critical. We must first take a look at the person overall and see all his good points. Only against this backdrop can we begin to home in on the bad points in order to correct them. This is exactly what Moshe said to the Jews, “You’re amazing people, so great that I bless you that Hashem should make like you a thousand fold”. With this introduction, the Yidden were sure to feel secure, after all Moshe wants many more people just like us. Now when he criticised them he wasn’t going to break them.
Rabbi Zev Leff of Moshav Matityahu pointed out that we have two eyes, to remind us of this very point. With one eye we only see in two dimensions; we don’t have a clear picture. With two eyes we see in three-dimension. Only when we take in the whole picture, with all its dimensions, can we have any chance of giving constructive criticism. Two dimensional people are small minded they see in just black and white – good or bad. If they focus on the bad then they just see the bad. We have to be broad minded and see the overall picture, yes there are things that potentially need to be changed, but look how many good points they are. This was Moshe’s key to telling off the Jews.
We often have to tell people off and set them straight – be it to our spouses, our children, our friends or our business acquaintances, and more often than not you will probably find yourself thinking, “did I say enough?” or “was I strong enough?” Do we ever think beforehand about building him? Do we ever find ourselves asking, “Did I build him up enough?”
Good Shabbos,
Yaakov